Others and Should’s

For any of you that know me, you know that I love coffee. Like a lot. Luckily, most of my friends do too so every hang out turns into girl talk and coffee dates. One afternoon I was enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee with one of my dearest friends. We went from discussing our favorite drinks and preferred flavor of creamer, to talking about the depths of what God is doing in our lives. First, I need to add this in here, this girl isn’t one for superficial answers. She asks questions, and deep ones, and expects honest answers. She isn’t satisfied with “Oh, I’m doing great!” when she knows you are secretly struggling. So, anyways, as I was answering her questions and sharing about my life, she said to me with a smile, “Nicole, you need to throw away the “should” ‘s! ” (You can imagine that I expected something different to come out as she began to say the word “should”) This statement puzzled me at first, and then I came to the realization of what she meant. As I sat there I had realized my whole conversation was filled with:

“I should feel…”

“I should think…”

“I should be doing…”

“I should… I should… I should.”

All of my thoughts were surrounding the idea that “I should” be feeling a certain way about things and that because of that, I should be doing certain things or reacting in a certain way.

Where the heck does this even come from? Where did this idea of  ‘should’ come from? I don’t have the answers, but my first thought is: society. Society fills our brains with the way our lives ‘should’ look and the kind of person we ‘should’ be and the things we ‘should’ have in order to be happy and successful. It basically tells us how we ‘should’ be doing everything in our lives. This, my friends, is truly disturbing to me. Why are we being told what we need or how our lives ‘should’ look in order to make us happy? Why are we be comparing our lives to that of those in Hollywood? To people that we are honestly nothing like (and probably never will be like). Why are we comparing our lives to the perfect ideals placed in our brains by society?

Now you may be like, “What.. No I never compare myself to celebrities. I don’t care what they’re doing I know they don’t live realistic lives.” Well 1. I’m gunna go ahead and say that’s probably a lie if you have never compared yourself to a celebrity for even a second and 2. If so, then let’s think of this on a smaller scale. How often do you find yourself scrolling through Instagram or Twitter and thinking to yourself (or in my case out loud to my roommates) “Oh my gosh she’s so much prettier than me”, “Ugh their life is so perfect”, “Awww look how cute and happy they are”.  Whether its openly or subconscious, I can almost guarantee that you have compared you and your life to someone else and theirs at some point and time. Why? Why do we do this… It seems natural right? But this continued comparison is detrimental to your happiness.

Comparison is the thief of joy. 

When you compare your life, your looks, your grades, you personality, your body, your relationships (I could go on for a while) your anything and everything, you are beginning to tell yourself “Oh I need X, Y and Z in order to be as happy as fill in the blank” Why would we ever want to do this to ourselves? Is this what God intends for your life? Would He ever want you to try to strive to be like another person or seek material things of this world to attain happiness? (That sounded kinda crazy as I wrote it down, but that is essentially what we are doing when we compare ourselves to others and to the “should” ‘s)

NO! NO, NO, NO! 

This is not of the Lord. Its just not. “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” -Romans 12:2 BOOM. God desires you to be transformed to Christ-likeness by pursing His heart, He doesn’t desire you to be like the world, or even strive to be like the world. The moment that you stop comparing your life to others is the moment you become free. Free to experience the life that God has intended for you. Free to appreciate every gift God has given you, no matter how small. Free to live with the love of Jesus in your heart.

So friends, stop playing this game. Stop playing the game of “whose life is better” in your head. Stop comparing yourself. Be where you are at. Any thoughts of “I should…..” whatever it may be, need to be thrown away. “The Lord with fight for you. All you have to do is be still.” -Exodus 14:14 So be still. Rest in the love and grace of God. He wants you as you are. He wants your heart, no matter what it is feeling. He doesn’t want you to look like “the others” or to come to Him with the “should” ‘s. He wants you. He wants your real and honest heart.

So as my wonderful friend told me, throw away the “should” ‘s! Rest in the Lord’s love. Be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). Let Him love you where you are at. Experience the freedom that is the love of Christ.

Though You slay me

Well guys… it’s been a while huh?! I haven’t made a post in I couldn’t even tell you how long. Taking 18 credit hours, working 15 hours a week and leading a bible study doesn’t allow for much free time! But with the start of a new semester, I have been reflecting on what God has done the past 5ish months. He has moved in unimaginable ways and shined His light in darkness that I didn’t even know was there. If I could sum it all up, try to put all my triumphs and trials of this past semester into one thought I could do it with ease. Pain. Life has gotten hard. Things I didn’t expect to have to deal with or experience have become defining things in my life. Have you ever been so upset that your heart literally hurts? It’s paralyzing. As if the weight of this pain wasn’t enough, I also had a feeling of immense guilt. If I have this great hope in Jesus, then why am I upset? I’m not supposed to hurt. I have to be happy every second of every day.

I was believing a lie that I had to pretend that life was perfect. But it is exactly that, a lie. I have since learned that it is not only alright to feel pain, but it is to be expected. As I was talking to a great friend of mine they told me, “It’s okay to not be okay.” And it kinda hit me. While Jesus brings hope to my life, it’s okay hurt. The truth is that I am broken. We all are. And that brokenness isn’t to be ignored, because it matters. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 says,

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

I have heard these verses so many times and I’m ashamed to admit that I have taken them for granted almost every time. I never paid attention to them until one night when I was listening to one of John Piper’s sermons and he focused a lot on verse 17. This verse says that our troubles are achieving something for us. It literally is saying that our pain is doing something. And this “something” is an eternal glory that will be so much greater than any trial we will ever face. That is far from meaningless. The idea that our current troubles will be greatly rewarded is seen again in Romans 8:18,

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Again we are told that our current situations, whatever they may be, that cause us to hurt are nothing in comparison to the hope we have in the promises of the Lord.

The trend of “sufferings”, “troubles” and “trials” is reoccurring in the bible. We are told time and time again that we will face troubles. That each and every day will be hard. In Matthew 6:34 we are told that, “… each day has enough trouble of its own.” If the repetition of this fact weren’t enough to make us understand, we have learned about the countless trials that Jesus faced in his life. If the perfect son of God experienced troubles, how could we expect not to?

By now you’re probably thinking, “What the heck. I get it, life is hard. Awesome you Debby downer,” or “this chick is messed up what is she talking about.” Whatever you may be thinking, I think that you should continue reading just a little bit longer (it gets even better I promise). Though we should expect for life to get hard, for the boat to be rocked and our feathers ruffled, we need to remember to never lose sight of the hope that the Lord gives us. We must wait through the pain with joy, patience and expectation of redemption. We can not forget to put our hope and trust in the promise of the redemption for our lives. Romans 8:23-25 reminds us of this hope. And if this amazing promise of redemption wasn’t enough, God wants to comfort us through it all. Psalm 71:20-21 says,

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

So let Him. Let Him love you and comfort you. Embrace the pain and praise Him through it because God is good. I know that might seem frightening (well at least for me it is) because that requires a lot of trust. But He is beyond worthy of our trust. God is sovereign and will never forsake you. Trust Him and praise Him for his greatness through whatever life throws at you.

incredibly human.

I don’t think I’m the first person to say this, but life is a roller-coaster! Full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and most of the time, not knowing what is coming next.

Most people try to plan every second of every day; to-do lists, daily planners, agenda calendars, four year plans, but what if that’s not how we’re supposed to live? Well, honestly, it’s not. A life that is perfectly planned out is missing one key component: faith. By trying to map out your whole life, you’re eliminating the faith and trust in God that is required for a healthy relationship with Him. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be organized or think ahead, or that I don’t attempt to plan out my own life (because trust me I am the queen of to-do lists) but there is a difference between being organized and planning your whole life. Proverbs 3:5-6 says,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

See, the thing is that God not only will guide us throughout our whole life, but He wants to. As if that weren’t enough, He also wants to be the one to pick us up when we fall and lose heart. But He wants us to invite him and need him; He wants our lives to require trust and faith in Him. So, if we have a God who loves us, wants to guide us and help us through our troubles, why do we continually reject Him?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

~Romans 8:28

 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

~Lamentations 3:22-23

It’s verse like this that people read, but don’t really apply to their own lives. They struggle to see how truths like this can possibly be a reality for them. This struggle is incredibly human, and can be explained in three words: Fear of failure. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is afraid of failure, so we attempt to control everything and think if we had a little more time, money or knowledge, that we could fix anything. We want to control everything. We want to be able to dictate what happens, when it happens and where it happens. But what we need to realize is that it is completely out of our control. We are unable to do everything by ourselves, but that is how it’s supposed to be; that’s how God designed it. He made it so we need Him.

…apart from me you can do nothing. ~John 15:5

God doesn’t want you to feel burdened, He wants you to trust Him with the weight of your troubles.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  ~1 Peter 5:7

So just let go. It’s not going to be easy, and it won’t happen over night, but by placing more and more trust in the Lord, a life of faith is possible. He wants to you have a life based in love, faith and trust, and to not worry about where you will go, what you will do, or who you will be with because you have Him. Trust Him. Walk by faith.

 

Beautiful Earth

“The beauty of the world is almost the only way by which we can allow God to penetrate us… Beauty captivates the senses in order to obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul… The soul’s inclination to love beauty is the trap God most frequently uses in order to win it.” -Simone Weil

This quote deeply touched my heart. Sometimes I try to picture my life, and the world, without God, and it’s impossible. If you simply look outside your window, I don’t know how you could not believe in Him. Look at the trees, the flowers, the creatures, look at all the beauty He has created. THAT is enough for me. All the beauty He has put on the earth, that alone is enough for me to believe in God.

Romance

Jack and Rose in Titanic, Noah and Allie in The Notebook, Jamie and Landon in A Walk to Remember, and countless more couples, are all a woman’s ideal of romance stories. Watching these kind of movies women sigh and cry at the beauty of the romantic scenes. No matter if they admit it or not, all women long for an intimate and romantic relationship like in the movies. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, the desire for romance is still there. Now, most women feel that their love life in either not enough, or even nonexistent, but what some women don’t realize is that this kind of intimate relationship is available to them, without a man.

The reality is, that the kind of romance you dream of, is attainable. It’s attainable through God. That hole that you feel is unfulfillable, can be filled by the love of God, and only God. Not only can his love fulfill you, but God longs to love you and romance you!

All throughout the bible, the progression of our relationship is depicted through metaphors. It’s initially described as clay and a potter, then a shepherd and his sheep, then a master and his servant, a father and his children, and finally a Bridegroom and his bride. God describes his feelings for us countless times, but what I really love is the way that he compares our relationship to that of two fiances.

“You have stolen my heart , my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! “

-Song of Songs 4:9-10a

THAT is how God wants our relationship to be! He wants us to be in love with one another as two people getting married would be in love. He shows this to us through various things in our life. God knows everything about you, including the deepest desires of your heart. Think about the things that you love and make your heart stop: a sunset, nature, the wind, simply feeling beautiful and wanted. Whatever it is, and even if you don’t know it or take it for granted, God puts these things in your life and gives them to you at just the right moments. He wants you to enjoy the things you like. He wants to awe you and make you happy. Just as someone would take you on a nice date and make you feel wanted, God wants to romance you through the little things in life that you love.

So even though you might not always feel loved, search for God in everything you enjoy and I guarantee you’ll find Him and His loving embrace. Remember earlier I mentioned that hole inside that feels as though it can’t be filled, and can only be filled with God’s love? Well guess what, God has the same thing! There is a place in God’s heart that is made specifically for our love. Just as His love is the only thing that can fill the emptiness in us, OUR love is the only thing that can fill a part of HIM! God not only loves us, but he needs us, longs for us and desires us! Take a moment to let that sink in. God is SO amazing. Love Him and let Him love you. ❤

 

More than Forgiveness

One of the first things that we are taught when we first become a Christian is that Jesus came and died for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins and can come to our Father. While this is an AMAZING and glorious truth, there is way more to what Jesus came to do. When Jesus first began his ministry on earth, he chose to use the passage of Isaiah 61 to announce it to the people.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. (61:1-3)

Jesus chose this passage out of all the passages possible. Now, if he chose to use this passage to explain to the people why he came, it must be pretty important. Notice, that it doesn’t even mention how Jesus will pay for all of our sins and that he is the way to the Lord. He talks about healing our wounds and fixing our broken hearts and setting us free from bondage. So, in addition to allowing us the ability to repent, be forgiven and have a relationship with the most perfect father ever, Jesus can do all of this too?! How crazy awesome is that?? Jesus came to earth to heal us. He hates the Enemy for what he has done to us and he wants to save us.

Now if you let him, Jesus can save you. He can heal you and set you free from bondage. So let him! Run into his arms and allow him to fix your broken heart.

 

(This realization and knowledge came from the reading of the book “Captivating”)

The Question

So, as I continue to read “Captivating”, it continues to reveal more and more unknown truths to me. In the third chapter, it talks about “The Question”. This question is described as something that haunts all men and women through all of time.

The Question for men is: “Do I have what it takes?” 

All that men do, young and old, is driven by the need to prove that the answer to their question is yes. Little boys dressing up as superheroes, the rough-housing, fighting, and the want for adventure are all because they want to prove that they are strong enough, that they have what it takes.  Now, The Question for women is very very different.

The Question for women is: “Am I lovely?”

Once again, everything that women do is because they seek to know the answer to their question. Women want to know that they are lovely and beautiful. When I was a little girl, I went through a phase when I refused to wear anything that did not twirl. I just thought that this was just something that little girls enjoyed, and never questioned it further, but I realized that it points back to the need to feel lovely, even at a young age. This, along with the desire to be seen, feel pretty, and the dressing up and make-up are all ways that women attempt to find the lingering answer to their question.

Though both of these questions are different, they affect men and women in the same way. Their actions are driven by the need to answer “Yes” to their question. Most of the time, people try to hide this desire because they are ashamed of it, but truthfully, it should be embraced. It is a part of who we are. By attempting to hide it or push it away, we are riding ourselves of our femininity or masculinity. So embrace it. Embrace your desire to feel beautiful or want for adventure. Know that the Lord made you that way for a reason.

Captivating

If you have never heard/read the book “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge and it’s amazing! I just started reading it and only got through the first two chapters and I am already loving it! It’s all about the mystery of the heart of women. They also wrote a book called, “Wild at Heart”, which is all about the heart of men, which I’m sure is amazing as well. But, being a women, I chose to read this one first.

They start the book off by talking about how the mystery of the desires of a woman’s heart is a good thing and that they should not be ashamed of their desires. I don’t know about you, but I know that I long for affirmation from others. But I always feel silly or stupid for wanting that, because I am supposed to find my worth in God and not people or things of this world.

But even with this truth, women feel unseen, unsought, and uncertain. They feel unseen by even people that they feel closest with, that no one has the desire to pursue them, and uncertain of who they are and what it even means to be a woman. They feel this way because everyone has missed the heart of women.

The heart of women was created as a reflection of God’s heart. Women want to be romanced, want to be fought for, want to reveal their beauty, and long to be irreplaceable. Even if you don’t think you feel that way, deep down your heart truly desires these things, and that is because these are the things that God desires too! Women’s hearts were created to bear the image of God’s heart, therefore what we desire is what He desires.

God created women this way when He created Eve. God created everything, and as He did this, each creation became more and more complex and mysterious. Once He was nearing the end of creation, He made Eve. He chose to make her last. Not Adam, but Eve. Eve was made last for a reason. She is God’s “finishing touch”, His “piece de resistance”. God chose to make Eve, and therefore all women, the most intricate and fascinating creatures. Eve filled a place in the world that nothing or no one else could fulfill. This is because Eve bears the image of God and through creating her, God revealed a part of himself to us. His desires are seen in the hearts of women, and therefore their hearts are a mystery to be explored and rejoiced in.

The world desperately needs the light buried in the hearts of women.

I can only begin to touch on all of the amazing things that they talk about in this book. It is so full of wisdom, and I could sit here and try to explain everything myself, OR you could just go and read the book yourself! (which would benefit both you and I a lot more!) I promise that it will not be a waste of your time and it will really open your eyes to understanding both the heart of God and women. So get to it:)

Just simplify

So I’ve been home from college for about a week now. My mother came to pick me and all my belongings up last Tuesday night, and after hours of packing all of my things into her car, we finally headed back home. We got back pretty late so I just unpacked all of my stuff into the living room, which you can imagine she wasn’t very happy about, and went to bed. The amount of crap I had was completely overwhelming. I don’t know how I possibly fit all of it into a dorm room, but I managed to some how. Well anyways, because of the intimidating pile of randomness, I prolonged unpacking until last night. Yes I left all of my things strewn across my living room for a week, and yes my mother nagged me about it every single day. There was so much stuff that I didn’t even know where to start. I felt defeated before I even started, but I finally began by putting away my clothes. From start to finish it took my about 5 hours to get everything put away and organized.

Now this isn’t to just rant about all the junk I have and how boring it was to organize everything. As I was going through all of my stuff, the whole time I was thinking how incredibly ridiculous it was and how selfish I am. I had SO MUCH stuff! I could not believe it. Why did I need all of it? Why did I need that many pairs of shoes? Or the same shirt in 6 different colors? Why did I continue to buy more when I already had all of this stuff? Now I’m not sure if I should blame our society or the inner girly girl inside of me. Did I honestly think that buying all of these things would make me happier or did I just want them because they were “pretty” or they “looked cute”?

In awe of the excess of things that I had, I decided it was time to finally get rid of some stuff. I ended up getting rid of 2 giant garbage bags of clothes, but I still need to get rid of more. The whole time I was doing all of this, I was thinking about how much of my stuff I would actually NEED to live off of. Speaking in terms of necessity, I would probably only need a fourth of what I still have. In actuality I could probably live off of less, but even if that’s true then why can’t I find it in myself to get rid of it? Selfishness, that’s why. Do I think that without that stuff I won’t be happy, or heaven forbid I would have to wear the same outfit in the same week! Like how ridiculous is that? Who cares. There are people who only have one outfit and they are so joyful because they are in love with the Lord.

I hope that by the end of the summer I eliminate half of the things I have in an aim to simply my life. If we stop focusing on material things of this world, I guarantee that you would find your joy in the eternal things. The Lord is all you need to be fulfilled, not clothes or shoes or purses or any material possession. I bet most of you are now thinking of a list of things that you could get rid of. That pair of pants you have kept for a year hoping to fit into again? That shirt that you might possibly wear but still has the tags on it? Think about this: do you NEED all of the things you have, or do you simply WANT them? I know my answer. What’s yours?

Finding Joy in the Lord

I don’t know about you, but only learning Jesus’ teachings and gaining God’s wisdom on Sundays at church just is not enough for me! I have an amazing church and I love going to it every Sunday, but I also love to dig deep into The Word and learn what God is trying to teach us through it on a day to day basis, as I am sure most Christians do. But, doing that by yourself isn’t always the easiest, so lately I have been listening to sermons online. One of my favorite pastors to listen to is Francis Chan. He is an amazing speaker and I personally really feel God speaking and working through him to teach others. A lot of Francis’ sermons, as well as other pastors at the Cornerstone Churches, can be found on his website: http://www.francischan.org/#/resources

The most recent sermon that I listened to is called, “The Joys of Being Spirit-Filled” and it is one of my favorites. If you have the time to watch this, I definitely recommend it; it is well worth your time!

Francis starts off the sermon talking about how we should share the work that God is doing in our lives with people we come in contact with everyday, that we should not belittle the power of prayer and that it should not be an afterthought in our minds. While these are all powerful points, and topics to be discussed separately, the main focus is about the joy that comes from being spirit filled, and THAT is what I’m super excited about!

The bible explains how when someone is filled with the spirit, it is beyond evident to everyone surrounding them; when filled with the spirit you: constantly give thanks to God, sing psalms and share scriptures with one another, and have a constant melody for God in your heart. I know when you have a busy schedule it feels like, “Oh who has time to thank God ALL day?”, and when the going gets tough, the last thing you want to do is be thankful. BUT if you’re filled with the spirit, this kind of thanksgiving comes naturally and it brings a whole new and amazing joy into your life. God wants us to be not only filled with His spirit, but overflowing with it. Francis makes the analogy that being filled with the Spirit should be so overcoming that it would be as difficult to hide as being drunk. Ephesians 5:18-21 says:

“Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

There ya have it! Right there is describes exactly what someone who is filled with the spirit should look like! It also says that we should not turn to drunkenness to fill us, but the Spirit. Only through this can we be fulfilled and our joy made complete.

Being spirit-filled is mind-blowing, life-transforming, but also an amazing opportunity. The creator of the earth wants to fill YOUR soul with HIS spirit! He wants to bring YOUR life joy and meaning. That is amazing.

I hope that anyone who sees this is convicted. I pray that you all long to be spirit filled and desire to have a heart of thanksgiving for the Lord. When was the last time that you simply sat there and thanked God for anything and everything for as long as you possibly could? Can you imagine what that would be like? Can you imagine thanking God from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed?

Have a heart of thanksgiving, be spirit filled, let a melody of joy for the Lord fill your heart, and never ever stop loving God. ❤